A Panic Attack

November 3, 2013

I’m in my bed. I feel cold, panicky. The thought of getting up to make dinner is too much to entertain at the moment. I feel like my lungs are shutting down, like my heart will fail. It feels like I’m going to die.

I don’t want to die, and I’m sure that eventually, no matter how bad this feeling is at the moment, I’ll snap out of it, alive and well. The damage, the pain in my chest, the aches. I need to acknowledge that this starts and ends with my mind. My mind is triggering these physiological symptoms, and if I can acknowledge that, maybe I can will them away.

I page through my phone’s contact list, look at active Facebook connections and Twitter followers. Through the list of names, I don’t know if there exists anyone I could call a friend, at least in the sense that I believe it’d be appropriate to ask for help in this shaken, fragile state. Then again, if I don’t have a connection with anyone strong enough to consider a friend that would help me through a panic attack, do I really have anyone I could consider a friend in any sense?

This thought adds fuel to the pain as I feel my lungs ceasing to function, as breathing gets harder. My heart stings as the actions it’s been asked to perform strain as the resources to complete these tasks isn’t there.

The symptoms subside after a few minutes and I catch my breath. I’m sweaty, tired and in my bed.


6 Responses to “A Panic Attack”

  1. I’ll listen to anyone’s panic attack. I have had enough myself.

  2. Dana Says:

    I see my daughter, 10, and one of my sons, 7, struggle with gender issues, and you help me be aware of issues and possibilities. You are a wealth of information and a source of inspiration. Thank you for being you and sharing so we can all better understand. You are treasured. I still don’t know why everything has to be so scary, and I’m 44. ((((Hugs))))

  3. archfriar Says:

    I’ve had these since high school. The only thing that worked beside Xanax is to remember you are not dying or losing your mind. It helps me. Anyway, I sympathize.

  4. danaansari Says:

    I’ve felt that way, that I didn’t have a friend to reach out to. It really defines who your friends are. I was pleasantly surprised by at least a few people. Please hang in there.

  5. […] The other night, I had one of these panic attacks. Over the years, I’ve learned that the best way for me to overcome these is simply to let them play out. As I felt one coming on, I decided to start writing down my thoughts and feelings. Since I was headed into this, anyway, I figured that it might make some interesting post-attack reading. Without further ado, here’s my panic attack: […]

  6. Brian Says:

    I’ve only suffered two panic attacks in my life and both were over 15 years ago in college but I can still remember exactly how they felt, so I totally empathize with what you are going through. My wife on the other hand will have an attack once or twice a year and swears by Xanax.

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