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I’m thinking of leaving social media for a bit, maybe discontinuing my blog. I write things down here, both the good and the bad, for two reasons:

  1. Maybe someone will be able to take something positive from this, and maybe it can be helpful to them in some capacity.
  2. It really helps me cope with bad days. Writing is an outlet for me. I don’t necessarily think I’m a great writer, but sometimes it’s just helpful to put thoughts into words.

With this being the case, as I use my blog writing as a way to alleviate my own anxiety and panic attacks, I understand that sometimes my writing might come off as me constantly complaining or being mopey. This isn’t the case. I like my life. I do. It’s just that when things are great, when things go perfectly, I don’t feel the need to write it all down.

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of mean questions, all sent anonymously, on my ask.fm page. I feel like these might be based in someone reading my entries here or other places, then using that information against me. These questions include:

  • Does it bother you that you aren’t passing?
  • Its obvious youre not sexually fulfilled. Why?
  • Your girlfriend is a runner. Why don’t you run with her and lose some of the chub you’ve gained on the hormones and what not? It’ll really help give you that curvy look people are into.
  • Be real, you’ve gained about 30-40 lbs
  • You obviously answer mean questions because you’re an attention whore and any interest feeds your ego. Narcissist!
  • How often do you feel discriminated against? Do you think sometimes it’s all in your head? Chicago is a progressive place. It seems like it happens to you more than others, in places far less welcoming. Perhaps an extension of your narcissism?

My answers to those questions can be found here.

I just don’t understand why someone would take to the internet just to be mean to me like that. Yes, I know that I have had a habit of getting in online arguments with people, being a jerk at times, and just overall not being someone enjoyable to be around. I’m really working on all of that. There’s not a thing in the world I wouldn’t do to help one of my friends. I love them all.

I’ve recently cut down on the amount of trans-specific content I’ve posted to my other social media accounts. More and more, I realized that all I was doing was adding to the echo chamber made up of like-minded individuals who follow my Facebook or my Twitter pages. By and large, we already agree on these issues. At very least, the vast majority of us are educated enough on these topics to generate educated, adult opinions.

I’m not sure who I’m benefiting by retweeting an article or sharing a post I’ve already seen countless others share.

I feel like I’m getting to a point in transition, in life, that I don’t necessarily want my identity to be defined by being the “trans one.” I’m more than that. Yes, I am the trans one. I’m pretty comfortable with that. I just don’t want to be pigeon-holed into being defined solely by that aspect of my existence.

This doesn’t mean that I’m going to completely stop talking about trans-related things. Being transgender is a part of my life experience, but that’s just it: a part. If I see someone struggling with issues I have first hand experience with, I’m happy to help in whatever capacity I’m needed.