[going from tolerance –> acceptance –> friendship? how do I make this happen?]

March 27, 2013

Lately, I’ve been feeling worn down. I guess I didn’t take into account just how much being out at work would take out of me energy-wise or emotionally. Again, people have, overall, been nice. That’s not the issue. It’s the train ride to/from work, the strange looks by people in other parts of the office (who may not be aware of my transition, but certainly remember the guy I used to pretend to be), and just a sense that I’m being overlooked for things I’ve worked really hard for.

I just want to live up to my work potential. I like my job, but I don’t want to be stuck in this low-level position forever. I know that there are a few supervisor positions opening up, but I don’t think I’m even in consideration for them. I sent a manager an e-mail asking what I need to do to be in position to be a viable choice for any of these openings, but he never got around to responding. Oh, well.

In the past, I’d never go to after-work events as trying to keep the “guy” appearance any longer than absolutely necessary was mentally anguishing. Now, though, finally feeling a little more comfortable in my appearance/personality/true-to-self-ness (I know that’s not a word); I still find myself either not going to these events (mostly due to schedule conflicts or just wanting to be home with my partner & dog) or I just won’t be invited. A bunch of my co-workers are friends outside of the office. I don’t know. It’d just be nice to be friends with people, but for the moment, I’m just trying to gain basic acceptance.


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