[motivation, fitting in, patience]

January 22, 2013

I haven’t really felt motivated to go to the local trans* group that meets 2x/month. It’s not that I don’t like the people there (I do!); it’s more that I feel like I still don’t quite fit in. I feel like I’m (personally) too male-bodied at the moment, not far enough along in my transition to really feel like I’m “one of the girls.” And sometimes, I feel like I’m “not trans enough” for wanting to fit into the gender binary, just wanting to be a woman and not somewhere in-between on the spectrum.

I sometimes feel like the frustration I occasionally feel is discredited by the fact that most people in my life (friends, family, etc.) have been extremely supportive of my transition so far. I know I’m lucky for that, and that’s what makes some of the waves of dysphoria even more confusing: shit could be worse. I know others have it worse. I acknowledge that. But that “…if it makes you feel any better, (insert something worse than what you’re going through here),” stuff has never made me feel better, just made me get frustrated with the world. (example: “I just got a C on this test.” “Well, if it makes you feel better, I got a D.” – no, that doesn’t make me feel better, it just makes me feel sad about both of our grades)

Anyway, this little update really has no point. Life’s going okay, I’m surviving, I’m being patient, waiting for my time to come.


2 Responses to “[motivation, fitting in, patience]”

  1. Jen Says:

    Girl, come because we love you, as you are, as you’ve been, and as you will be. You’re one of us, and that’s very much enough for me. xo Jen

  2. Mym (@633nm) Says:

    I think we have too much practice not fitting in. For me, amongst trans groups, it’s usually being the weirdo who doesn’t like sex. No one else actually thinks this of us.

    …and anyway the binary ladies totally outnumber the non-binary at NBA; we’re just loud.

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