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[dealt a transition-y blow]

November 2, 2012

At work, I met with my supervisor this afternoon over coffee to discuss “my career.” I was initially hired in February 2012 as a “3 month contract-to-hire” employee; where at the end of 3 months, if I was bad at my job, they’d let me go; if I was good, they’d hire me on full time.

Hello, November (9 months later). Still here, still in the same position, and still a contract employee. I had hoped that today’s scheduled coffee meeting would contain some positive news when it came to my precarious work situation. Unfortunately, I was told that HR still had some sort of hiring freeze in place, and a negative mid-year review (it said I had “attitude problems”) would prevent me from being hired on full time until “sometime in 2013” (though, even with that 365 day window, I was told that none of that was set in stone as far as a timeline is concerned).

sigh.

There are a number of reasons this upsets me (lack of a stable paycheck, insurance, etc.), but the one that’s really frustrating me: officially transitioning from [birth name] to Parker on the job will be delayed.

While I could go ahead with transitioning at work while still an hourly temp, I see a lot of risk in that: when they hire employees on, they renegotiate your pay and you could, in theory, end up making less than you currently were. Now, there’s always the chance that I try to transition and they find a way to just never hire me on as they’d rather not deal with me (and, they’d be in the clear HR-wise, because I was technically not an employee). But really, I just think that the salary they’ll offer me as (what they believe to be) a cis male will be higher than that they’d offer a trans female. They might low ball me on the offer, offering much less than I’m currently making, in hopes that I’d just quit.

But, then again, this is all speculation, and it’s all in my head.

The longer I put off transitioning, the more pain I have to endure on the inside. Plus, the longer I put off transitioning, the more the effects of my hormones become apparent to my co-workers. It’s kind of lose-lose.

In either case, ugggggggggghhhhhhhhh.

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